The Expendables 2
Sep. 2nd, 2012 03:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nessaniel
The boys are back! Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) and his team of war-worn veterans and delusional nut-jobs with big guns and even bigger mouths get together for another promising job that of course doesn't go according to plan and instead of enjoying their respective lives with wifes or girlfriends or chemical engineering they go on a bloody journey of revenge, avenging everything in their path while mouthing off loudly to their opponents - and each other. Can they save the world from the evil hands of a cruel mastermind Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme)?
Okay, as you all know, I love action films and I'm a sucker for big guns, exploding cars, snarky one-liners and the good old plot of "Search, Find, Kill" (<- actual quotation, I'm not even kidding). I grew up watching "Terminator" and "Die Hard" and "Texas Ranger" and "Bad Boys" and all of Terence Hill and Bud Spencer movies, cheering loudly for the anti-heroes while my dad (who owned the whole 80'ies and early 90'ies on video) smiled proudly and my mother feared for my education and rolled her eyes constantly.
I know these movies have their flaws and I'm more than aware that a good chunk of my internalized misogyny stemmed from the terrbile female role models those movies presented (let's face it, there are like... three archetypes of women in those films xD) - but I still love them to death, I laugh and cheer loudly and overall enjoy myself most of the time whenever something goes boom.
So how do you think this film fared in my humble opinion?
IT FUCKING ROCKED OMFHGHJSDKSK!!!!!!!! *_____* I AM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!
Let me get this straight: the plot is forgettable and full of tv tropes (seriously, this is the list for the first one alone and it's two miles long...) and crammed in there are a lot of stupid, unrealistic, over-the-top bullshit stunts and action scenes and everything that's not a dog or llama goes boom.
IT'S SO WONDERFUL I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF!!! *_____*
Just to give you an overview about the wonderful heroes in our film:
Can you spot who doesn't belong here?
Yeah, that's right: Liam Hemsworth as Billy the Kid, the young one, the "Boy" who has his moments of awesome amidst all those well known out dated heroes of the big action cinema of the 80'ies.
AND HE FITS IN THERE SO WELL WITH HIS CUTE LITTLE WOOL JACKET AND HIS BIG EYES AND HIS CONSTANT "Yes Sir!" and "I'M SORRY SIR!" and each and every of the old guys is so protective of him and they are all bonding.
Grumpy old men with guns who bond. OMG KIWI IS HAPPY *___*
The chart above sadly excludes the one female member of the group: Meggie (newcomer Nan Yu).
She is in one word: brilliant!!
I was sooo extremely afraid that she would end up as being the always-to-be-rescued-female-one-only-there-for-the-boobs.
BUT THEN SHE WAS AWESOME SAVING ALL THE GUYS' ASSES AND BEING SNARKY AND WONDERFUL AND ASSERTIVE AND SHE LOOKS SOOO SOOO GREAT WITH A GUN BUT SHE WAS ALSO COMPASSIONATE BUT NOT ONLY AND INTELLIGENT AND OHHH MEGGIE!!!! *___*
There was one scene where one of the guys had to rescue her from falling off the plane (that they flew into an old coal mine...) but that was more an almost-death-by-communication because none of them bothered to tell her that it might get a bit ... bumpy (all the guys make a perfect team, she is the new one blahlbah) but then she rescues Ross himself and is basically the only one with a brain for a long time and ohhh it's wonderful and her team-bonding is never awkward.
And they didn't make her into a love interest. Of course there is this scene at the end where she talks to Stallone, offering him to stay on his team but he reclines politely and she just nods and smiles, so it rather comes off as them being best buddies which is great and refreshingly new in the whole action hero genre. <33
Another wonderful aspect of the film is its self-awareness and irony which it keeps throughout the whole movie and does include:
- a Chuck-Norris joke (A CHUCK NORRIS JOKE FOR GOD'S SAKE!)
- Arnold Schwarzenegger asking "Who else is gonna show up? Rambo?"
- Schwarzenegger saying about Bruce Willis "YIPPIEAHYEAH!"
- the villain of the movie is named... Vilain. Seriously, I am not making this up. xDDD
- watching Billy running up a hill and all the old guys are staring "Can you remember when we were able to do that?" - "No. Can you?"
- the completely offended and irritated look, Stallone gets as the villains bury them in the mine "We are going to stay here for a bit" (Seriously, he was one step short of rolling his eyes xD)
- they keep talking about Billy all the time. ALL THE TIME (I will talk about that because it does things to my mind omg...xDD)
- there is absolutely no sexualized violence against women as far as I can remember (which is super important especially in action movies... XDD) and Meggie is never shown to be overly sexy or stuff. SHE IS EVEN DRESSED PRACTICALLY!!!!! LIKE: ALL THE TIME!!! I CANNOT STOP TALKING ABOUT MEGGIE SHE IS JUST WONDERFUL! <33 The only time she uses the word "sexy" is when she jokes with the guys about Chinese food. Seriously.
- Barney Ross (Stallone) and Christmas (Jason Statham) are married. End of discussion. They throw insults at each other over the phone ("What's taking you so long?" - "This stuff is heavy, you know?" - "Are you done crying?" - "I'm going to shoot you into the face, when we meet again!"), Ross is in a state of constant jealousy over Christmas marrying his girlfriend, mocking him for his calls and insulting him even more ("You will like this idea because of your big ego!" - "What, my ego? Let's talk about your ego!" - "Oh come on, your ego is as big as a dinosaur!" Cue to shooting and killing more goons XD).
- Christmas is constantly wearing wooly jumpers in creamy colours and him and Ross are very fond of flat caps.
- THE JACKET OF LIAM HEMSWORTH AKA BILLY THE KID. IT IS INCREDIBLY COLOURFUL AND WOOLY AND OH SO SNUGGLY LOOKING AND HE DROWNS IN IT LIKE A LITTLE KITTEN (my mum has a wooly jacket like that for working the garden in cold weather... it was adorable xD) Just a bad screenshot but you get the idea xD
The only beefs I have with this movie is a) that I would have loved to see more of Jet Li (I LOVE THAT GUY OMG HE WAS THE REASON I STARTED KARATE AT THE AGE OF SIX and ending it at the age of six and a half because I lacked the maturity to keep my mouth shut for more than five seconds xD)- he only did a short cameo that was kinda unfortunate (but he was still badass and rocked xD) and b) Lundgren would have deserved his crowning moment of awesome (it was played for a laugh which was kinda sad =( ).
Okay and now if you want to keep your sanity, then stop reading right here and go off to another funny place in the internet while I just say, if you enjoy cheesy action films go and see this one (if it's not too expensive) it's well worth the ride even if just for Hemsworth's jacket.
If you want to stay and forever ruin what you thought of me up until today, here is the thing:
Ross/Billy is my new favorite ship for all of eternity. FUCK YEAH.
Yes, you read that right, I ship Stallone and Liam Hemsworth in a ... kinda... sorta serious ferocious romantical way.
Before you throw stones at me let me explain why because boooooy the movie delivers and makes it sooo soooo easy!
First of all, there is obvious material drawn from nothing more than the fact that Billy is the new one and Stallone is the group leader, that old war-worn guy everyone looks up to - and maybe might have a crush on. Yeah, I know this is an old trope but I love it to death (Skipper/Private from "The Penguins of Madagascar" is not my OTP for nothing you know... XD
Anyway that would be too little, so have some more examples:
- Ross is constantly saying how great Billy is at what he is doing (sniper-rifling people to death. xDD) and reminds everyone that he is young and brilliant and wonderful.
- Billy always calls Ross "Sir" in the middle of a mission (he is military stuff) but calls him "Ross" and smiles at him and asks shyly whether Ross had five minutes for him he'd like to talk after it... all big doe eyed and curios and bashful. HNGHGG, be still my heart!!!
- Billy and his wooly jumper. Sorry, had to mention that again xD
- Billy tells Ross that he'd like to leave the group of mercenaries after this mission: "But I wanted to make sure that you don't feel like I betrayed you. You and the team were so nice to me and you are great and..." - IT WAS SO ADORABLE AND FANBOYISH!!!
- Ross is all cold and "Kid, don't sweat it, go and grab another beer." BUT THEN HE LEAVES ON HIS MOTORCYCLE TO GO AND MOPE IN HIS BELOVED OLD AIR PLANE MOPINGLY SITTING IN THE SHADOWS AND CONTEMPLATING HIS LIFE CHOICES BEING ALL DEPRESSED (until plot arrives in form of Bruce Willis but that's another point xD)
- his whole motivation after that scenes derives solely from Billy. I am not kidding. He is not after the money, it's just retribution he wants
- they always talk about him. Like always. When there is the "quiet drama scene", Stallone talks to Meggie... and they just talk about Billy and some deep stuff (more or less xD) revolving around how hardened heroes deal with... feelings. Yes. That's it. ALWAYS ABOUT BILLY AWWW!!!
- In one scene Billy doesn't know how to express himself and starts with "It's hard to say what I really feel... I'm not even sure what I'm feeling...sorry..." GNKSDJHKSDHGNGHG! WHAT THE HELL I MEAN SERIOUSLY MOVIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME I'M SHIPPING IT LIKE FED EX ALREADY SHIT! HNGHG
-
SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER
Billy writes a letter to his... girlfriend, which I will ignore (it's his long lost sister but he is too ashamed to admit it to himself) and that letter is read out aloud by Stallone.
BUT MY THEORY IS that Stallone at first reads the letter and it's more along the lines of "Sorry, Ross. Haven't been honest with you. I have to leave the team because my feelings are getting in the way. I endanger you and the team if I carry on like this. Sorry for leaving you hanging. It's hard to see the one you love always throwing himself in harms' ways. Please take good care of yourself (I know you can) and of the team (I know you will). Love, Billy."
And because Ross cannot deal with all these sudden feelings and how he would explain that to his team is beyond him so he makes up something about that girlfriend Billy talked about earlier. YES THIS IS MY THEORY AND I'M GOING TO STAND BY IT NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY! GRRGJ!
So yeah. This movie was about a may-december-romance for me.
I clearly need to get my brain checked (I AM WRITING FANFIC ABOUT THIS GOD HELP ME) and in the meantime have some fun comparisons over on tumblr (but please ignore what they said about Meggie IT ISN'T TRUE Q__Q)
Oh one afterthought which clearyl should have been included somewehere else but it's late and I need to go to bed:
I think that one of the main reasons for me to like this sort of movie is that once in a while it feels good to see and witness how the evil guy gets hunted down and is brought to justice, how all the bad deeds are getting punished and how the world can be saved with just a few people...
without all the moral ambiguity that Dark Knight places on us without even all the conflicting clashes of personalities of the Avengers without all the evil conspiracy and governments-are-pure-evil-theories of Jason Bourne.
Some days, I just want to sit back and enjoy knowing or getting reminded that the few can alter something, that fighting against the evil guys is not futile because in the end we WILL win, we are going to get rewarded, it must be so!
There is always hope - and I am surprised that out of all the movies I've seen so far this year "The Expendables 2" is the one to remind me about that.
Great job, movie. <3
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no subject
Date: 2012-09-03 06:36 pm (UTC)omfgm frag mich mal XDD das tablet bimmelt: NEUER KOMMENTAR VON und ich werde VOLL HIBBELIG XDD
endlich mal wer, der mit mir so bekloppt ist *___* der film ist SO GEILO...ICH HAB NUR GESCHMACHTET UND GE....squeeed wegen der vielen liebesszenen *O* XDDD
no subject
Date: 2012-09-03 07:19 pm (UTC)ICH LIEBE UNS ERNSTHAFT XDDD
Es ist so bekloppt, dass wir so viel squeen über einen Film, wo es ausnahmsweise mal wirklich gaaaar keine Romance gibt.
Außer natürlich Statham/Sly. Und Billy/Ross. UND OMG WIR HABEN DEN FILM ERFASST, ES IST EINE GHEY ROMANCE. <333
Ich fand Gunnar auch so klasse, ernsthaft! Mit seiner kleinen Bombe, dieser Psycho. <33
Und Ross am Anfang immer "Der Junge ist spitze, jaja, spitze, sag ich euch!" *überall sparkly love*
KÖNNEN WIR BITTE ÜBER HEMSWORTHS JACKE REDEN? ODER GENERELL ÜBER DIE KLAMOTTEN ALLER? Statham und Sly in ihren kleinen Schieberkäppchen und den cremefarbenen Pullünderchen.
Hast du RED gesehen? Weil Bruce Willis ist das soooooo fucking Liebe. Und mein all time favorite man of all time, Karl Urban, spielt da auch mit. XDDD UND ER WÜRDE SICH SEHR GUT IN EX3 MACHEN, Y/N ??
no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 03:52 pm (UTC)und ross war so...dermaßen...billy hier, billy da...
und wie geil die klamotten von allen waren...XDDD die MÜTZEN!! ICH MEIN HALLO?!! XD und der wollpulli. ich hab im film nur gedacht: boah *__* habenhabenhabenhaben....
JA, ich habe RED gesehen...Bruce is so geil da, der is generell geil, aber da..OMFG *___*°°°
der war so EPISCH SO SÜß DA X333333~ bin gestorben bei dem film
und omfg D: karl urban!!!! D: der muss da mit rein
ABER DA MÜSSEN EIG NOCH VIN DIESEL UND THE ROCK MIT REIN. DDD:
ich mein, the rock D: und vin...einfach nur darum D: XDD
no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 05:48 pm (UTC)OH MAN, Gunnars Sprüche waren aber auch einfach nur der Hammer: "Ich möchte Robbenbaby essen. MIT WALARSCH!" So ein Schwachsinn XDD *screaming and dying*
karl urban!!!! D: der muss da mit rein ABER DA MÜSSEN EIG NOCH VIN DIESEL UND THE ROCK MIT REIN
Oh Gott ja! Und Jackie Chan. Bitte. Aber Vin Diesel UND BRUCE WILLIS zusammen wären großartig, ich glaube, das würde ich nicht überleben, oh man.
Und bitte ja, Karl Urban. <333
und ross war so...dermaßen...billy hier, billy da...
GOTT JAAAA!!!! Ich muss das DRINGEND in der Fanfic zur Geltung bringen, wie sehr er auf ihn abfährt. Das ist ja schon beinah ungesund. XDD
Okay, okay, jetzt muss ich aufhören und dringend die Fanfic weiterschreiben. *SCREAMING*
no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 05:59 pm (UTC)Aber jaaa, weiter tippääähn 8D *hibbel*
no subject
Date: 2012-09-03 07:47 pm (UTC)Dieses... Modell-Foto was sie von Billy geschossen haben? OHMEIN GOTT ALL THE KITSCH XDD
Ich hab so gesqueet (nur seine doofe Freundin hat in der Szene gestört... aber die ignoriere ich ja eh xD), oh man, diese wundervolle Männerriege dort, Himmel.
<333
no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 03:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 05:23 pm (UTC)Ich saß Gott sei Dank neben meiner Freundin, die hat das ähnlich gesehen... aber die zwei Jungs, mit denen wir im Kino waren, mussten sich mein Geschrei und Geslashe leider auf dem Nachhauseweg anhören. XDDD SIE WAREN UNGLAUBLICH BEGEISTERT, WIE DU DIR BESTIMMT VORSTELLEN KANNST. XDDD
und wie ross am grab ne ansprache hielt ey
Ich hab ja fest daran geglaubt, dass Billy doch überlebt und die Bösen ihn einfach nur mitschleppen und nicht sofort umbringen. Q____Q
Aber dann kam ja die Grabrede UND das megaawesome Gespräch zwischen Meggie (ICH LIEBE MEGGIE) und Ross. Wo sie sagt "Wìeso redet ihr nicht über den jungen Mann?" und Ross "So gehen wir (harten, unglücklich verliebten) Männer mit Gefühlen um."
ICH BIN SO AUSGEFLIPPT. KEINE DUMME ROMANCE, ROSS WILL EINFACH NUR BILLY WIEDERHABEN! <33333
no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 10:01 am (UTC)Ich wollte dir grade einen Post schreiben, von wegen "ES IST VOLLBRACHT!", weil ich die FF fertig habe.
Aber die Community ist irgendwie gemein zu mir und zeigt den Post noch nicht an. Q______Q DABEI IST ER SOGAR MIT WIDMUNG!
UND ICH HAB SO VIELE GAGS AUS DEM FILM MIT EINGEBAUT WEIL ICH FAUL BIN. ÄH ICH MEINE TOLL.
Verdammt. >.< Egal, ich halte dich auf dem Laufenden, mon capitain!
no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 03:54 pm (UTC)