The Expendables 2

[nessaniel]

The boys are back! Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) and his team of war-worn veterans and delusional nut-jobs with big guns and even bigger mouths get together for another promising job that of course doesn't go according to plan and instead of enjoying their respective lives with wifes or girlfriends or chemical engineering they go on a bloody journey of revenge, avenging everything in their path while mouthing off loudly to their opponents - and each other. Can they save the world from the evil hands of a cruel mastermind Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme)?

Okay, as you all know, I love action films and I'm a sucker for big guns, exploding cars, snarky one-liners and the good old plot of "Search, Find, Kill" (<- actual quotation, I'm not even kidding). I grew up watching "Terminator" and "Die Hard" and "Texas Ranger" and "Bad Boys" and all of Terence Hill and Bud Spencer movies, cheering loudly for the anti-heroes while my dad (who owned the whole 80'ies and early 90'ies on video) smiled proudly and my mother feared for my education and rolled her eyes constantly.

I know these movies have their flaws and I'm more than aware that a good chunk of my internalized misogyny stemmed from the terrbile female role models those movies presented (let's face it, there are like... three archetypes of women in those films xD) - but I still love them to death, I laugh and cheer loudly and overall enjoy myself most of the time whenever something goes boom.

So how do you think this film fared in my humble opinion?

IT FUCKING ROCKED OMFHGHJSDKSK!!!!!!!! *_____* I AM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!

Let me get this straight: the plot is forgettable and full of tv tropes (seriously, this is the list for the first one alone and it's two miles long...) and crammed in there are a lot of stupid, unrealistic, over-the-top bullshit stunts and action scenes and everything that's not a dog or llama goes boom.

IT'S SO WONDERFUL I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF!!! *_____*
Just to give you an overview about the wonderful heroes in our film:


Can you spot who doesn't belong here?
Yeah, that's right: Liam Hemsworth as Billy the Kid, the young one, the "Boy" who has his moments of awesome amidst all those well known out dated heroes of the big action cinema of the 80'ies.
AND HE FITS IN THERE SO WELL WITH HIS CUTE LITTLE WOOL JACKET AND HIS BIG EYES AND HIS CONSTANT "Yes Sir!" and "I'M SORRY SIR!" and each and every of the old guys is so protective of him and they are all bonding.
Grumpy old men with guns who bond. OMG KIWI IS HAPPY *___*

The chart above sadly excludes the one female member of the group: Meggie (newcomer Nan Yu).
She is in one word: brilliant!!
I was sooo extremely afraid that she would end up as being the always-to-be-rescued-female-one-only-there-for-the-boobs.
BUT THEN SHE WAS AWESOME SAVING ALL THE GUYS' ASSES AND BEING SNARKY AND WONDERFUL AND ASSERTIVE AND SHE LOOKS SOOO SOOO GREAT WITH A GUN BUT SHE WAS ALSO COMPASSIONATE BUT NOT ONLY AND INTELLIGENT AND OHHH MEGGIE!!!! *___*
There was one scene where one of the guys had to rescue her from falling off the plane (that they flew into an old coal mine...) but that was more an almost-death-by-communication because none of them bothered to tell her that it might get a bit ... bumpy (all the guys make a perfect team, she is the new one blahlbah) but then she rescues Ross himself and is basically the only one with a brain for a long time and ohhh it's wonderful and her team-bonding is never awkward.
And they didn't make her into a love interest. Of course there is this scene at the end where she talks to Stallone, offering him to stay on his team but he reclines politely and she just nods and smiles, so it rather comes off as them being best buddies which is great and refreshingly new in the whole action hero genre. <33

Another wonderful aspect of the film is its self-awareness and irony which it keeps throughout the whole movie and does include:
- a Chuck-Norris joke (A CHUCK NORRIS JOKE FOR GOD'S SAKE!)
- Arnold Schwarzenegger asking "Who else is gonna show up? Rambo?"
- Schwarzenegger saying about Bruce Willis "YIPPIEAHYEAH!"
- the villain of the movie is named... Vilain. Seriously, I am not making this up. xDDD
- watching Billy running up a hill and all the old guys are staring "Can you remember when we were able to do that?" - "No. Can you?"
- the completely offended and irritated look, Stallone gets as the villains bury them in the mine "We are going to stay here for a bit" (Seriously, he was one step short of rolling his eyes xD)
- they keep talking about Billy all the time. ALL THE TIME (I will talk about that because it does things to my mind omg...xDD)
- there is absolutely no sexualized violence against women as far as I can remember (which is super important especially in action movies... XDD) and Meggie is never shown to be overly sexy or stuff. SHE IS EVEN DRESSED PRACTICALLY!!!!! LIKE: ALL THE TIME!!! I CANNOT STOP TALKING ABOUT MEGGIE SHE IS JUST WONDERFUL! <33 The only time she uses the word "sexy" is when she jokes with the guys about Chinese food. Seriously.
- Barney Ross (Stallone) and Christmas (Jason Statham) are married. End of discussion. They throw insults at each other over the phone ("What's taking you so long?" - "This stuff is heavy, you know?" - "Are you done crying?" - "I'm going to shoot you into the face, when we meet again!"), Ross is in a state of constant jealousy over Christmas marrying his girlfriend, mocking him for his calls and insulting him even more ("You will like this idea because of your big ego!" - "What, my ego? Let's talk about your ego!" - "Oh come on, your ego is as big as a dinosaur!" Cue to shooting and killing more goons XD).
- Christmas is constantly wearing wooly jumpers in creamy colours and him and Ross are very fond of flat caps.
- THE JACKET OF LIAM HEMSWORTH AKA BILLY THE KID. IT IS INCREDIBLY COLOURFUL AND WOOLY AND OH SO SNUGGLY LOOKING AND HE DROWNS IN IT LIKE A LITTLE KITTEN (my mum has a wooly jacket like that for working the garden in cold weather... it was adorable xD) Just a bad screenshot but you get the idea xD

The only beefs I have with this movie is a) that I would have loved to see more of Jet Li (I LOVE THAT GUY OMG HE WAS THE REASON I STARTED KARATE AT THE AGE OF SIX and ending it at the age of six and a half because I lacked the maturity to keep my mouth shut for more than five seconds xD)- he only did a short cameo that was kinda unfortunate (but he was still badass and rocked xD) and b) Lundgren would have deserved his crowning moment of awesome (it was played for a laugh which was kinda sad =( ).

Okay and now if you want to keep your sanity, then stop reading right here and go off to another funny place in the internet while I just say, if you enjoy cheesy action films go and see this one (if it's not too expensive) it's well worth the ride even if just for Hemsworth's jacket.

If you want to stay and forever ruin what you thought of me up until today, here is the thing:

Ross/Billy is my new favorite ship for all of eternity. FUCK YEAH.
Yes, you read that right, I ship Stallone and Liam Hemsworth in a ... kinda... sorta serious ferocious romantical way.
Before you throw stones at me let me explain why because boooooy the movie delivers and makes it sooo soooo easy!
First of all, there is obvious material drawn from nothing more than the fact that Billy is the new one and Stallone is the group leader, that old war-worn guy everyone looks up to - and maybe might have a crush on. Yeah, I know this is an old trope but I love it to death (Skipper/Private from "The Penguins of Madagascar" is not my OTP for nothing you know... XD
Anyway that would be too little, so have some more examples:
- Ross is constantly saying how great Billy is at what he is doing (sniper-rifling people to death. xDD) and reminds everyone that he is young and brilliant and wonderful.
- Billy always calls Ross "Sir" in the middle of a mission (he is military stuff) but calls him "Ross" and smiles at him and asks shyly whether Ross had five minutes for him he'd like to talk after it... all big doe eyed and curios and bashful. HNGHGG, be still my heart!!!
- Billy and his wooly jumper. Sorry, had to mention that again xD
- Billy tells Ross that he'd like to leave the group of mercenaries after this mission: "But I wanted to make sure that you don't feel like I betrayed you. You and the team were so nice to me and you are great and..." - IT WAS SO ADORABLE AND FANBOYISH!!!
- Ross is all cold and "Kid, don't sweat it, go and grab another beer." BUT THEN HE LEAVES ON HIS MOTORCYCLE TO GO AND MOPE IN HIS BELOVED OLD AIR PLANE MOPINGLY SITTING IN THE SHADOWS AND CONTEMPLATING HIS LIFE CHOICES BEING ALL DEPRESSED (until plot arrives in form of Bruce Willis but that's another point xD)
- his whole motivation after that scenes derives solely from Billy. I am not kidding. He is not after the money, it's just retribution he wants
- they always talk about him. Like always. When there is the "quiet drama scene", Stallone talks to Meggie... and they just talk about Billy and some deep stuff (more or less xD) revolving around how hardened heroes deal with... feelings. Yes. That's it. ALWAYS ABOUT BILLY AWWW!!!
- In one scene Billy doesn't know how to express himself and starts with "It's hard to say what I really feel... I'm not even sure what I'm feeling...sorry..." GNKSDJHKSDHGNGHG! WHAT THE HELL I MEAN SERIOUSLY MOVIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME I'M SHIPPING IT LIKE FED EX ALREADY SHIT! HNGHG
-
SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER

Billy writes a letter to his... girlfriend, which I will ignore (it's his long lost sister but he is too ashamed to admit it to himself) and that letter is read out aloud by Stallone.
BUT MY THEORY IS that Stallone at first reads the letter and it's more along the lines of "Sorry, Ross. Haven't been honest with you. I have to leave the team because my feelings are getting in the way. I endanger you and the team if I carry on like this. Sorry for leaving you hanging. It's hard to see the one you love always throwing himself in harms' ways. Please take good care of yourself (I know you can) and of the team (I know you will). Love, Billy."

And because Ross cannot deal with all these sudden feelings and how he would explain that to his team is beyond him so he makes up something about that girlfriend Billy talked about earlier. YES THIS IS MY THEORY AND I'M GOING TO STAND BY IT NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY! GRRGJ!

So yeah. This movie was about a may-december-romance for me.

I clearly need to get my brain checked (I AM WRITING FANFIC ABOUT THIS GOD HELP ME) and in the meantime have some fun comparisons over on tumblr (but please ignore what they said about Meggie IT ISN'T TRUE Q__Q)

Oh one afterthought which clearyl should have been included somewehere else but it's late and I need to go to bed: 

I think that one of the main reasons for me to like this sort of movie is that once in a while it feels good to see and witness how the evil guy gets hunted down and is brought to justice, how all the bad deeds are getting punished and how the world can be saved with just a few people...

without all the moral ambiguity that Dark Knight places on us without even all the conflicting clashes of personalities of the Avengers without all the evil conspiracy and governments-are-pure-evil-theories of Jason Bourne. 

Some days, I just want to sit back and enjoy knowing or getting reminded that the few can alter something, that fighting against the evil guys is not futile because in the end we WILL win, we are going to get rewarded, it must be so! 

There is always hope - and I am surprised that out of all the movies I've seen so far this year "The Expendables 2" is the one to remind me about that.

Great job, movie. <3

Comments

[nessaniel.livejournal.com]

Oh my God, I'm soooooooo happy that you stumbled over my entry, I'm always glad (and super hyper) when I find new people who are into this movie...

and this pairing! ;D Oh my God, yes, that "...always"-line had me even tear up a little when I was in the cinema. <33333

Uh yeah, I'm from Germany but I love writing movie reviews in English... fangirling is easier? Somehow? XD

because it's such a manly movie :P
Yeah that's what my guy-friends tried to tell me to get me to shut up after the movie when I almost squeed them to death. Naturally it didn't work and I'm very much convinced that "The Expendables 2" is actually a romantic tragedy/comedy with lots of explosions. =D

[stillarium.livejournal.com]

Haha, ich finds auch toll, mit Leuten über sowas zu quatschen ^_^ ja, ich hab schon ein bisschen rumgeschaut, aber das Fandom für den Film scheint ja sehr klein zu sein? Kannst du irgendwas empfehlen? XD

Jaaaaaa ;___; Ich war schon ziemlich überrascht, wie schnell sie Billy gekillt haben :( So wie sie seine Rolle dann im Film ausgelegt haben wars eh klar, dass er draufgeht (mit seiner Hintergrundgeschichte und er will aufhören etc), aber ich hatte nämlich gedacht, es wäre Chris Hemsworth und nicht Liam Hemsworth (bin irgendwie automatisch davon ausgegangen, als ich "Hemsworth" am Plakat las) und darum hätte ich gedacht, er hätte eine größere Rolle bzw einen fixen Platz im Team. Schade D:

Ahhh okay, ich hab nur bisschen in meiner Übermüdung den Post überflogen und halt viel "denglish" gesehen und war mir nicht sicher, ob das jetzt authentisch ist oder nicht haha XD Ich fangirle auch lieber auf englisch, bins gar nicht mehr gewohnt mit Leuten auf deutsch über sowas zu schreiben... Also wir können auf englisch oder deutsch schreiben, wie du magst, mir ist egal xDDD

Jaaa, ich hab mir gleich gedacht... "okay, die ganzen Typen werden mich für verrückt halten, wenn ich was sage, aber ich wette es gab auch Slashermädels, die den Film gesehen haben" XD Und ich mag dein Headcanon wegen dem Brief, leider sieht man ihn aber ja zum Schluss :/ Aber wer weiß was "wirklich" drin steht, vielleicht wollte er Schluss machen xDDD

[nessaniel.livejournal.com]

Das Fandom scheint bisher aus beiden sowie drei anderen LJ-Bekanntschaften von mir zu bestehen... *HUSTHUSTHUST*

Es gibt auf AO3 ein paar fanfics dazu guckst du hier, wenn da was für dich dabei ist... mir haben die nicht so zugesagt (außer die eine über Star Trek.. lalalalala, aber das ist eine andere Geschichte XDD), aber sonst ist es mit Fanfics und Co. rar gesäht (außer natürlich ich darf dich auf die Schreibcommunity 120_minuten aufmerksam machen, wo ich selbst sowie die bezaubernde der_jemand ein paar Stories dazu veröffentlicht haben! *HUST SCHAMLOSE SELBSTBEWEIHRÄUCHERUNG HUST* guckst du hier ) Ehm ja. Ich wünschte wirklich, es gäbe ein größeres Fandom dazu, aber bisher sieht es etwas mager aus. Tragischerweise Q_Q

leider sieht man ihn aber ja zum Schluss
LALALALA ICH KANN DICH NICHT HÖREN, DAS IST NIE PASSIERT, LALALALLALALA. XDDD Nein ehrlich, die letzte Szene mit Girlfriend! hab ich einfach ignoriert, die war doch eh... pfffht, Billy hatte mehr Interaktion mit Villain als mit der Krankenschwesterfrau... XD

ich hatte nämlich gedacht, es wäre Chris Hemsworth
Haha, das ist natürlich auch gut XDDD Und ja, ich schätze mal, Chris Hemsworth hätten sie nicht so schnell gekillt...
Apropos Chris Hemsworth: bist du zufällig auch Avengers-Fan, wo wir schon beim Thema sind XDD

WAHWAHWAHAWHA dieser Film. Ich habs leider damals nicht geschafft, mir den ersten Expendables-Film im Kino anzuschauen, das muss ich dringend nachholen! *__*

[stillarium.livejournal.com]

Komisch eigentlich, schauen den dann wirklich nur Männer? Wo bleiben die Slasher? XD

OK, schade, ist ja echt nicht viel! Hab mal die Summarys auf AO3 überflogen, aber kein Ross/Billy D: Bei den stories bei 120 minuten muss ich noch genauer reinschauen, aber auf deutsch ist auch schon mal sehr ungewohnt. xD Vlt sollte ich ja selbst was dazu beitragen wuhu 8D <- immer das große Vornehmen...

Ja, die Szene war irgendwie echt unnötig. Wohl nur um zu zeigen, dass sie es auch bekommen hat. Aber erstens wirkte sie überhaupt nicht traurig, 2. wars eh blöd dass er den Job hatte um ihr Geld und tolle Sachen geben zu können (tolle Basis für ne Beziehung xD), 3. wars bisschen unrealistisch, dass das einfach ein Karton voll mit Geld vor der Tür war (wer hat das bitte genau so abgestellt, dass sie rauskommt und es niemand andres wegnimmt vorher? 8D) usw usf.

Avengers fand ich natürlich auch klasse hihi. Thor/Loki FTW! XD Ich war auch ganz schön im Avengers / Hiddleston Fieber teilweise, aber das ist schon abgeflaut, ich hab mich auch extra bisschen distanziert davon... aber ich glaub sobald ich mal die DVD / Blu-ray anschau etc... xD

Ja, den 1. muss ich mir auch noch anschaun X)

[nessaniel.livejournal.com]

Heyho,

naaa, haste dich mit 120_minuten anfeunden können? xD Ich hätte dazu sagen sollen, dass nicht alle Stories auf Deutsch sind? IN DIESEM NICHT EXISTENTEN FANDOM MUSS MAN NEHMEN WAS MAN KRIEGEN KANN XDDD

Ich frag mich eigentlich auch, wo die ganzen Slasher bleiben (hab gestern den ersten Film gesehen und OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG das ist ja da noch viele tausend Male schlimmer mit der Slasherei, Herrgott xD)... aber hey, wenn du was beitragen willst? Es gibt MINDESTENS FÜNF SHIPPER, DIE DAS ALLES TOTAL GERN LESEN WÜRDEN MUHA! XD

(tolle Basis für ne Beziehung xD)
Ha, das ist ein guter Gedanke! XDD Billy mag das Mädel eigentlich gar nicht, weil sie ihn schamlos ausnutzt und er wollte eigentlich wirklich Schluss machen - was aber Ross und die anderen nicht wussten, sodass sich Ross ganz einfach den Brief ausdenkt und die Schachtel mit Geld vor die Tür stellt...
Ach, diese Tragik. <333