That other Musketeers movie from 2011

[nessaniel]

People, we have been missing out on the greatest adaptation ever, so far, but thanks to my ass having been confined to the bed these past few days, I found the best movie ever.

In case, this wasn't glaringly obvious, this movie is utter trash. They had no budget whatsoever, the plot is outrageously stupid, some of the dialogue threw me into half hour long coughing fits and I spent most of the time going "Why o.o" at the screen.

Nonetheless, I enjoyed it and we absolutely have to include it in our therapeutic movie-watching experience.

You shall witness the following (everything is of course utter perfection):

- Aramis and d'Artagnan being women (d'Art ist played by the really adorable Heather Hemmens) - and there is no bullshit lovestory! They even erased the whole Milady/Athos-stuff
- and Constance is called Ben Constance and is d'Art's superior
- Treville and the Cardinal being the same person
- atrocious camerawork and props - no seriously, there is fine line between "We didn't have money" and "I edited this movie with MS Paint"
-Porthos being an IT-expert and having some of the funniest lines of dialogue
- AMERICA FUCK YEAH NOW WITH EVEN MOAR PATRIOTISM
- d'Art fights against the big baddie
- grey filters in North Korea and REALLY GOLDEN AND GREEN AND YELLOW FILTERS in the US because this is a subtle movie
-Planchet as the "I need to die to advance the plot"-guy
- "All for one and guns for all" - OMG I CAN'T SORRY, THIS IS PERFECT I AM DYING XDDDDDD
- Porthos  not being impressed with Athos' bullshit and they bicker like an old married couple ("Remember Istanbul?"- "WE HAD A DOZEN NAVY SEALS IN ISTANBUL!")
- "If you guys are dead who do I go bowling with?"
- and a ton of cheap explosions, "Physics do not work that way"-moments, and ATHOS GETTING HIS ASS KICKED BY THE CARDINAL IN A FIST FIGHT.

So, yeah, of course it's trashy and stupid but it's at least a better movie than the one with Orlando Bloom, the characters, especially Porthos and Athos are very likeable, and yeah, LET'S WATCH IT, OKAY.

(Man, this was supposed to be a really snarky review but my headache and the coughing is getting worse, so...xD)